Wednesday, February 29, 2012

What Do You Do When You Can't Sleep?

Try to sleep. Insomnia=not sleeping. It doesn't mean getting shit done in spite of no sleep.

There's no such thing as productive insomnia. That's just mania, and anyone who tells you they do shit when they can't sleep is bipolar on the quiet tip.

Note: If you can't sleep, you're actually not supposed to lie in bed for more than 15 minutes because then you start to associate your bed with the inability to sleep (a la behavioral conditioning).

Monday, February 6, 2012

What Is The Best Cheese?

OMG, this sounds like a question I made up.

Because it is.

But honestly, think about your favorite cheese and how fantastic it tastes when you can't sleep. If you can't sleep, you might (may=present tense) as well take joy in the cheese available to you. First-world problems aside, let's talk about our palates right now & how much better they get when the perfect cheese is made available to said palate. Also, let's think about how I am an editor for a living and also have a narrow-ass palate, but had to look up "palate" so I could spell it correctly so as to deliver proper unsolicited advice to you.

Swiss cheese, son.


More specifically, good Swiss cheese.

If you "broke" (like you can't go to elite cheeseries that I'm sure rich people have a real name for), Kraft singles is all I have to say. I was the total opposite of disappointed. This cheese changed Green Beans (capitalized now because that's how upside-down my world is with this new cheeese [yes, 4 e's]); it's like the poor man's (read: Cheese Man's) Faberge Beans (they are melted on top of my Green Giant delectables).

Maybe it's like years of Switzerland's being neutral in times of war, but this shit is the truth. I bet I won't even fart because this shit was orchestrated by the baby Gabriel hisself, who won't even care that I misused a pronoun just now.

 Yessir. That was a shout to Pharrell, my favorite producer, who also must eat Swiss cheese before he drops world-topping beats, because this shit is inspirational, son. I'm gonna go learn how to play the flute like immediately.

Swiss Cheese. Fin.